By Genevieve Gresset, Relationship Expert & Matchmaker
After working with couples for three decades, I can tell you this: most relationships don’t fall apart because of one huge, dramatic moment. More often, it’s the slow fade, the missed moments, the unspoken needs, the creeping sense that you’ve become strangers in your own love story.
It’s more common than most people think. And often, it’s easier to work through something like an affair than the slow, quiet disconnect of two people drifting apart. When infidelity happens, there’s a clear rupture. A reason. A crisis to respond to. But when you’ve just… lost each other, it’s harder to even name what’s wrong, let alone how to fix it.
But you can fix it. If there’s still love and willingness, you can rebuild, not just to where you were, but into something even more connected, honest, and exciting.
Why Do Couples Grow Apart?
1. The Investment Stops
Love doesn’t die with a bang, it withers from neglect. When you stop investing time, attention, affection, and curiosity into your partner, the emotional bank account runs dry. It’s not about dramatic fights or betrayals, it’s the daily absence of “I see you. I choose you.”
Think about it: you wouldn’t expect your car to run for decades without servicing it. Yet most people expect their relationships to stay alive while putting everything else, work, kids, laundry, ahead of their connection.
A thriving relationship needs investment. Not just in birthdays and holidays, but on Tuesday mornings and tired Friday nights.
2. Communication Breaks Down
I’ve sat with hundreds of couples who say, “We just don’t talk anymore,” or, “Every time we try to talk, it ends in an argument.”
Communication is the lifeblood of a relationship. But most of us were never taught how to do it well. We misunderstand each other. We get defensive. We speak to win the argument, not solve the problem. And sometimes, we just stop trying altogether.
Fair fighting, active listening, emotional check-ins – these aren’t fluffy ideas from couples’ counselling. They’re essential tools that keep relationships emotionally safe.
And if the only time you’re talking deeply is during an argument, you’ve already got a warning light blinking.
3. You Took Fun Off the Table
Somewhere between mortgages and meal plans, couples forget to laugh.
Remember those early days? The spontaneous trips, the inside jokes, the dancing in the kitchen? Fun is what bonds us. Without it, everything feels like work.
As someone who’s helped couples at every life stage, I can promise you: play isn’t optional. It’s vital. Shared laughter is emotional glue. Whether it’s a comedy night, a cooking disaster, or just tickling each other like idiots on the sofa, don’t let fun become a thing of the past.
4. You Lost Your Individual Spark
Here’s something many people don’t realise: a great relationship is made of two full people, not two halves completing each other.
When one or both partners stop growing individually, stop learning, exploring, dreaming – the relationship stagnates too.
One of the most transformational things you can do is take turns introducing your partner to something you love. A new hobby, a passion project, a show you’re obsessed with. You stay interesting to each other by continuing to be interested in life, in learning, in becoming.
Explore something new together. Support each other in your separate interests too. You’ll find your way back to yourself and each other in the process.
5. You Stopped Dating Each Other
Relationships need intentional, sacred time together. Time where you’re not discussing logistics, bills, or how low the milk is. I often set this challenge for couples I work with: Go on a “first date” with each other.
Dress up. Go somewhere new. Ask each other real questions like, “What do you wish I knew about you right now?” or “What do you miss from the early days?” Re-meet each other.
Dating isn’t just for new couples. It’s one of the best ways to keep falling in love.
6. Intimacy Faded
Let’s talk about intimacy and not just the sexual kind.
Real intimacy is about closeness, vulnerability, emotional safety. It’s the good morning kiss, the brush of a hand, the shared bath, the cuddle that says “I’ve got you” without words.
Sex does change as we age. Bodies change. Desires evolve. And that’s OK, as long as we adapt together and keep the conversation open.
Ask your partner what intimacy means to them now. What makes them feel loved, sexy, seen? Keep things fresh. Experiment. Communicate. It’s not about swinging from chandeliers (though be my guest). It’s about knowing each other deeply – in and out of the bedroom.
7. You Waited Too Long to Get Help
By the time most couples reach out to someone like me, the damage is deep. But it didn’t start deep, it started with small wounds that never got tended.
You don’t need to be on the brink to benefit from help. In fact, the best time to work on your relationship is when it’s still worth saving.
That’s why I offer Relationship MOT & Service Sessions. These are proactive, deep-dive sessions to help you both take stock of where things are and where you want to go. It’s not about blame. It’s about insight, repair, and reconnection.
So What Can You Do Right Now?
You don’t need a crisis to course-correct. You just need a decision – to stop drifting, and start reconnecting.
Here are some immediate ways to start:
- Schedule Weekly Connection Time – phones down, hearts open.
- Ask Better Questions – ones that spark intimacy, not admin.
- Date Each Other Again – and do it like you mean it.
- Grow Together & Apart – pursue something new.
- Book a Relationship MOT – don’t wait for the engine light.
The truth is, most couples don’t fall out of love. They fall out of connection. But that connection can be rebuilt – with intention, honesty, and a bit of courage.
It’s never too late to choose each other again. And again. And again.
So whether you’re six months in, ten years married, or recovering from a painful patch, know this: you’re not alone. I’ve seen couples come back from the brink stronger, deeper, and more in love than ever before.
You just need to stop waiting… and start reaching.
